Previous month:
January 2019
Next month:
March 2019

February 2019

Finding the right balance

Balancing Stones

Sometimes we have to let things fall down so that we can rebuild them the way we want.

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

I hold a large rock in my hand and make tiny adjustments which I imagine are barely discernible to anyone watching.

The rocks will collapse and I will start again.

Life is like that. We build our lives up and sometimes everything will come tumbling down all around us.

Sometimes it will fall down on its own, other times we have to knock it down ourselves in order to rebuild it in the way we want it to be.

It is all experience. The most valuable lessons in life come when we fall down.

As I place rock upon rock I am constantly in awe at the stillness, let alone possibility, of such precarious formations, amidst sometimes very turbulent conditions. This reflects our own potential to maintain a still-point amidst the variety of challenges we each face throughout our lives.

All things are difficult before they become easy.

What is fundamental about the sculptures is their simplicity, with the stones balanced together to create a seemingly impossible composition. The improbable equipoise creates a sense of wonder in the onlooker and gives the sculpture a magical presence, a paradox of fragility and solidity. Just like life.

The stones seem to lock onto each other and stay in place as soon as that precarious yet unmistakable point of balance has been found within them.

The stones decide when they are in perfect alignment with each other and the solar system. The stones reach the point of harmony with each other and the planet. The only thing holding one precarious stone on another is gravity, that incredible force that forms the stars, which shaped the earth, and which holds things together – or causes them to fall down when they are out of alignment.

There is something beautifully simple about deciding to balance stones. Being a grown up in the modern world is so often characterised by planning ahead and the pressure to succeed. An activity like stone balancing is is just on the right side of pointless and therein lies its beauty. The simple decision to do nothing else for an hour other than balancing stones in a river is to surrender to absolute freedom. We can return to the wild abandon of our childhood and open ourselves up to the abundance of the universe.

I stop planning, I stop trying to achieve.

The present moment is all I have.


Do other people's opinions really matter?

Digby

Care about people’s approval, and you will always be their prisoner. Lao Tzu.

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

I went to the beach with my daughters and their friends. My dogs love the beach so I took them along too. The plan was for the teenagers to go on the beach then head for the amusement arcade and shops while I walked the dogs. I agreed to stop at a shopping centre on the way home too and wait for them while they went clothes shopping.

The dogs went in the mud flats. The two golden retrievers were now dark brown and dripping with mud. I couldn’t get to the sea to clean them off without going through the mud again. Not only that but the one dog came up to me and shook. My face, my hair, and my clothes were all covered in mud. A lot of mud. The only consolation was that I wore my wellies and had boots to change into.

On the way home we stopped at the shopping centre. As I waited in the car I really fancied a latte from Costa and a sandwich from Marks and Spencer. The voice in my head said, “You can’t go in either of those places in this state!” So I sat and waited a bit longer. But then another voice in my head said, “But you always say that you don’t care what people think. Why are you denying yourself this small pleasure?” So I got out of the car and got my latte and sandwiches and really enjoyed them. I got a few strange looks but I just thought “So what!” It really struck me then that if worrying about what people think of us stops us enjoying something as small as a latte – how many bigger things and opportunities are we missing out on?

Diving home later we went past someone walking a golden retriever on a lead. My daughter commented on how clean it looked. “Yes”, I agreed. “I bet that dog isn’t allowed to run free on the beach!” The two dogs in the boot of the car were very muddy but they had loved the walk and the freedom (and the mud). Fortunately for them I didn’t stop them enjoying the beach because I wanted create a good impression with two clean well-groomed dogs.

We were all muddy but happy.


I am not alone

IMG_4316

Woodlands and forests are ideal places to go back to nature and to refresh the soul.

JANE REDFERN JONES

I stand amongst the trees and soak up the peaceful atmosphere. I breathe in the woodland smells, deeply inhaling the smell of humus emanating from the woodland floor. I watch beams of light flicker through the canopy of branches overhead. I place my hands on a beech tree and feel the smooth bark. I feel the moss bounce softly underneath my feet.

An old bench seems to beckon me to sit quietly for a few minutes. I look and listen for signs of life - a wren is flitting about close to the ground, a pygmy shrew scratches and searches for food. I hear the distant tapping of a woodpecker

I place my hand on my heart. I can feel it beating and notice how my chest rises and falls with every breath. I think of all the heartbeats doing the same thing in these woods, in the whole country, in the world. I feel the shared experience.

I am not alone.

 


Intuition connects us to the natural world and to our nature.

20190224_111909

The authority of your internal voice is much stronger than your external voice.

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

The moment we choose consciousness rather than the tired out collective consciousness (behaviours we have inherited from our family) is when we start to think for ourselves. It's when we stop our lives unfolding according to someone else’s plan. It’s the transformative moment – it’s when we get to choose the life that’s ours and ours alone.

By becoming overly attached to the things (and people) that we like but don’t necessarily need, we become their slaves. We become distracted from thinking about and pursuing our real goals.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes tells the story of how a mouse does not know it has been caged for quite some time: “It doesn’t realise it has been trapped. There is a little cheese hanging on the hook just inside the door and it tempts the mouse inside. The door snaps shut. The mouse thinks to itself, “I wonder what that noise was?” But is doesn’t realise what caused it because there’s this nice beautiful piece of cheese hanging from the hook. The mouse nibbles the cheese, maybe takes a few rest breaks, and a little glass of wine with it, they enjoy themselves and think “yum, yum, this cheese is really good”. And, when the cheese is gone, they think “Well, I’ll be on my way now, and I’ll find somewhere else to go, be and do”. But they can’t get out. The door is closed. They are trapped. They are trapped by this thing that initially was something that was the lure of temporary pleasure. Maybe it even put them to sleep a little bit, like when you eat too much then you drowse a bit.”

That’s how people become trapped away from their true souls. You offer them something pretty, or something nourishing, or something delightful, and you get them to enter the cage and the door snaps shut immediately. And, they have no idea of what’s happened for a long period of time. They might be drawn to a new partner and think “Oh look, they are having a nice time, that’s a nice house; they look like they’re having a nice time and eating nice stuff”. But, it isn’t long term, it isn’t nourishing. It isn’t what lasts. You could say that at that moment they have overwhelmed their own intuition. They need to be more conscious of transformational moments and take them instead of being so easily seduced away from them.

The mouse with the full belly was convinced all the choices were right – at least for a time – until the full belly was gone. Pleasure is the motive choice, it’s the anesthesia, especially for women, often inherited from women who felt they had no status, or whose status was received from the men they were married to. It’s not useful for setting a good example for their children.

It’s the quality of what they choose that’s the issue – they shouldn’t choose anesthesia, they shouldn’t choose the full belly if it puts them to sleep.

It is such a wonderful thing to be born. It is just incredible how everything comes together to form a human. This shouldn’t be wasted. Everyone is needed; everyone has a role to play. The thing to remember is what besides intuition can a person possibly rely on in order to develop and to grow in order to transform themselves? How else can they grow from something ego-driven into something soul-driven? Dreams are intuitive, daydreams are intuitive, and visions are intuitive. Everything that proposes an image or symbol is intuitive. And this plays a role. It generates the energy within the belief system, or within the intuitive system, or within the psyche – however, you would like to say it. It enables the person to think the thoughts that they weren’t able to think before and they have a choice whether to investigate them, or whether to refute them. But, the question is, “Who chooses?” At this point who chooses? Your soul? Your ego? Or the strange demon who appears to have possession of you?

You don’t need to understand your childhood. You just need to remember that the authority of your internal voice is much stronger than your external voice. To make use of it you have to increase your self-esteem, your self-love. You need to learn to trust your instinct. You have the gift of a brilliant internal guardian that stands ready to warn you of hazards and guide you to the best solutions. Intuition connects us to the natural world and to our nature. Every thought is preceded by a perception, every impulse is preceded by a thought, and every action is preceded by an impulse. Listen.

Rely on your intuition, your true being.


Dazzled and delighted by life

Nov17

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

The Buddhist master Thich Nhat Hanh teaches, “Meditation is not evasion; it is a serene encounter with reality.”

I set out early this morning, before dawn.

Walking through the woods I had not a care in the world. The sound made by my boots, the rhythm of my heartbeat and breathing, and the regular pace of my footsteps all filled my mind with soothing input from my senses. At times I was assailed by thoughts about challenges I faced in the week ahead, but when this happened I just opened my awareness more widely to the present moment: my walking, the sounds around me, and the glints of light as the sun rose behind the trees. Then the thoughts would disappear, only to return and disappear again, no more solid than a leaf floating on the wind or the mist hanging over the river below.

If I feel overwhelmed by this world I call home, I open my mind to all that is here: the magnificent trees, the purity of the air and the sound of the wind.

With each in breath I feel that I am taking the whole woodland into myself. With each outbreath my body and soul dissolve into it.

I feel relaxed and totally, absolutely at home.


Growing our internal mother

IMG_20190215_190805_471

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

The relationship we have with ourselves sets the tone for every other relationship in our lives.

Practicing self-love means showing up for ourselves daily, celebrating ourselves and our successes daily, and understanding that whatever we feel we need from others we have the power to give ourselves.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of Warming the Stone Child, says that internally we all have a light that can never go out. There are many beliefs about this light, and one of the sayings is that any type of wood that is half burnt always has a spark or ember in it that can be fanned by a very small wind into a gigantic flame, and this is also true about the internal flame of those of us who lacked parental guidance as a child.

Even people who have endured terrible things must realise that surviving is not enough. We must learn to thrive. That is what the little flame inside us is all about. Fanning that flame into something that’s sturdy, something that doesn’t waver every time someone gives us a funny look, disapproves of us, or is angry with us. We can become resilient so that our flame burns brightly. That’s what healing our inner child is all about.

In terribly unhealthy families children are damaged in many ways, including the destruction of the child’s belief that he has any purpose and value. Without that belief, it is difficult to succeed, difficult to take risks. It may even seem foolish to them to take risks, “knowing”, as such people do, that they are not up to the task. Estes talks about how we can suffer from a syndrome she calls ‘collapsing’. When someone is angry with us we go into a psychic regression with feelings of being worthless, wishing to be invisible, collapsing instead of being adult and stable and present in the moment. This causes the flame to waver.

We can look back and try and analyse everything that has happened to us - the neglect, the put-downs etc - but that will not help fan the flame.

The tender, the keeper of that flame, is the internal mother and if things had happened properly to us as a child that flame would already be burning bright and stable.

In order to grow the internal mother, you have to be willing to be decent and good to yourself. You must be willing to accept self-love and self-respect. You must realise that the only things holding you back are the faulty illusions and beliefs from your past. Nothing can stop you so long as you believe in yourself. It doesn’t matter if you are overweight, too thin, too short, too tall, it is all to do with caring about all the things that you are. That is what develops the internal mother. You can feel and see her grow before your very eyes if you are willing to develop your self-love, self-respect, and self-regard for yourself.

Many people who have this deep sense of being unmothered often feel that they are searching for love, that if they were just loved enough, everything would be so much better. But, it doesn’t matter how much love you have lavished on you, it won’t be enough. What will work, is to have the guidance of intuition, the guidance of consciousness, the guidance of common sense.

Consciously knowing what we are capable of, what our good points are, what our bad points are, and guiding ourselves through life with that knowledge is the deepest internal mother that you can have.’ And if you are an unmothered child, that is what was missing in your upbringing.

Take heart, no matter what happened to you, that light still lives inside you.

Take the focus away from what you look like, take time to get to know yourself – both your strengths and your weaknesses. Know that whatever has happened to you, you are enough. Nourish your body as a celebration of all it does for you.

And, as we pour love into ourselves, that love will spill out into the rest of our lives.

“Beautify your inner dialogue. Beautify your inner world with love, light, and compassion. Life will be beautiful.” Amit Ray.


See ordinary things

Mindfulness Meditation

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

You walked along the path and you stopped. There was something special – the light perhaps? After the rain the sun appeared and the land looked brightly illuminated against the dark storm cloud sky. Or was it the smell of petrichor, the earthy scent produced when rain falls on dry soil? Or the dark wet bark on the trees all around you?

You notice the minor detail of a flower head and some leaves that someone has placed on a fallen down tree.  The dandelion head strangely anchors your attention. You wonder why is it there and who put it there? And now you are present to all the rest of this banal, ordinary moment. You become aware of the scent rising up from the young wild garlic leaves crushed beneath your feet, and the dog barking in the distance.

There is nothing special about this moment that touches you, and makes your body and mind still.  You don’t need beauty or strangeness to stop the flow of your movements, thoughts, and plans.  You stopped because this moment is unique. Never again will you see exactly what you are seeing now. Because never again will you experience exactly what you are experiencing now. This is it. You’ve stopped because you realise what matters most. You are living this little bit of life. How can you take this for granted so often? You forget that life is a miracle, that every moment is a gift, snatched from night, darkness, the stars. How can you forget that? Find joy in small moments.

Never forget to live. Look up and see everything around you as if you were a newborn, as though you never before had seen what you are seeing now. Just be aware that we are here, alive.

“It never failed to amaze me how the most ordinary day could be catapulted into the extraordinary in the blink of an eye.”  Jodi Picoult.


Using mindfulness to focus on ourselves

Mindfulness_within

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

When I feel upset or worried I remind myself that I must not look elsewhere (a glass of wine, food, other people) to free and soothe myself. On the contrary, I should observe what is happening inside me. What is this emotion that inhibits me? Which way is it pushing me? This may seem simple, but of course, it isn’t. Our emotions are as inescapable as our thoughts. In other words, they don’t appear as subjective phenomena but as obvious facts – indisputable reality. So I shouldn’t try either to change what I feel or to console or calm myself. I must just be present to it. I must breathe properly and not try to do anything other than focus on my breathing and observe what’s happening inside me.

We can use mindfulness to focus on ourselves as well as the world around us.

Mindfulness is different from relaxation because it runs counter to our natural tendency to retain what is pleasant and reject what is unpleasant. In mindfulness, we notice negative and painful feelings and simply allow them to be there. Instead of trying to get rid of unhappiness and worry, we start by accepting their presence.

Allowing sadness or worry to be there means observing how we feel, but not necessarily believing what sadness is telling us, “I’m not worthy, life isn’t worth living”.

People who are anxious or depressed don’t like being told to start by allowing their feelings to be there because they are used to always trying to do the opposite. They find it frightening and fear becoming overwhelmed. They hope that getting a prescription from the doctor will take their pain away. This isn’t what happens.

Think of your negative emotions as being like animals or people you want to calm down. The more we try to drive them away, lock them up, sedate them, or tie them down the more they fight back and can hurt us.

Likewise, if pain is chased away or sedated it just returns another time.

So it’s better if we make space around our emotions and allow them to just be. This also allows us to observe them. Ask yourself ‘how do they make me feel? What thoughts do they lead to?’ This way, we are not inside the emotion, but noticing and experiencing it so that we are less dominated by it. Sometimes this in itself is enough to calm us and enable us to decide what to do.

The habit of calm, curious introspection begins in moments of calm and rest.

Observe your feelings several times a day, between doing other things. Instead of rushing from one thing to the next and feeling stressed,  take time to feel what is happening inside yourself, and gently connect more with your emotional state.

“I have been and still am a seeker, but I have ceased to question stars and books; I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me.” Hermann Hesse.


Gratitude is the key to happiness

Gratitude Rock

When gratitude is practiced regularly and from the heart, it leads to a richer, fuller and more complete life. If you focus on things you are grateful for then suddenly you'll start seeing things to be grateful for everywhere. Take the time to acknowledge them all. Start small - a smile, the sun breaking through the clouds, the breeze on your cheek. Gratitude also opens your eyes to the limitless potential of the universe, while dissatisfaction closes your eyes to it.