Self-love

Do other people's opinions really matter?

Digby

Care about people’s approval, and you will always be their prisoner. Lao Tzu.

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

I went to the beach with my daughters and their friends. My dogs love the beach so I took them along too. The plan was for the teenagers to go on the beach then head for the amusement arcade and shops while I walked the dogs. I agreed to stop at a shopping centre on the way home too and wait for them while they went clothes shopping.

The dogs went in the mud flats. The two golden retrievers were now dark brown and dripping with mud. I couldn’t get to the sea to clean them off without going through the mud again. Not only that but the one dog came up to me and shook. My face, my hair, and my clothes were all covered in mud. A lot of mud. The only consolation was that I wore my wellies and had boots to change into.

On the way home we stopped at the shopping centre. As I waited in the car I really fancied a latte from Costa and a sandwich from Marks and Spencer. The voice in my head said, “You can’t go in either of those places in this state!” So I sat and waited a bit longer. But then another voice in my head said, “But you always say that you don’t care what people think. Why are you denying yourself this small pleasure?” So I got out of the car and got my latte and sandwiches and really enjoyed them. I got a few strange looks but I just thought “So what!” It really struck me then that if worrying about what people think of us stops us enjoying something as small as a latte – how many bigger things and opportunities are we missing out on?

Diving home later we went past someone walking a golden retriever on a lead. My daughter commented on how clean it looked. “Yes”, I agreed. “I bet that dog isn’t allowed to run free on the beach!” The two dogs in the boot of the car were very muddy but they had loved the walk and the freedom (and the mud). Fortunately for them I didn’t stop them enjoying the beach because I wanted create a good impression with two clean well-groomed dogs.

We were all muddy but happy.


Intuition connects us to the natural world and to our nature.

20190224_111909

The authority of your internal voice is much stronger than your external voice.

BY JANE REDFERN JONES

The moment we choose consciousness rather than the tired out collective consciousness (behaviours we have inherited from our family) is when we start to think for ourselves. It's when we stop our lives unfolding according to someone else’s plan. It’s the transformative moment – it’s when we get to choose the life that’s ours and ours alone.

By becoming overly attached to the things (and people) that we like but don’t necessarily need, we become their slaves. We become distracted from thinking about and pursuing our real goals.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes tells the story of how a mouse does not know it has been caged for quite some time: “It doesn’t realise it has been trapped. There is a little cheese hanging on the hook just inside the door and it tempts the mouse inside. The door snaps shut. The mouse thinks to itself, “I wonder what that noise was?” But is doesn’t realise what caused it because there’s this nice beautiful piece of cheese hanging from the hook. The mouse nibbles the cheese, maybe takes a few rest breaks, and a little glass of wine with it, they enjoy themselves and think “yum, yum, this cheese is really good”. And, when the cheese is gone, they think “Well, I’ll be on my way now, and I’ll find somewhere else to go, be and do”. But they can’t get out. The door is closed. They are trapped. They are trapped by this thing that initially was something that was the lure of temporary pleasure. Maybe it even put them to sleep a little bit, like when you eat too much then you drowse a bit.”

That’s how people become trapped away from their true souls. You offer them something pretty, or something nourishing, or something delightful, and you get them to enter the cage and the door snaps shut immediately. And, they have no idea of what’s happened for a long period of time. They might be drawn to a new partner and think “Oh look, they are having a nice time, that’s a nice house; they look like they’re having a nice time and eating nice stuff”. But, it isn’t long term, it isn’t nourishing. It isn’t what lasts. You could say that at that moment they have overwhelmed their own intuition. They need to be more conscious of transformational moments and take them instead of being so easily seduced away from them.

The mouse with the full belly was convinced all the choices were right – at least for a time – until the full belly was gone. Pleasure is the motive choice, it’s the anesthesia, especially for women, often inherited from women who felt they had no status, or whose status was received from the men they were married to. It’s not useful for setting a good example for their children.

It’s the quality of what they choose that’s the issue – they shouldn’t choose anesthesia, they shouldn’t choose the full belly if it puts them to sleep.

It is such a wonderful thing to be born. It is just incredible how everything comes together to form a human. This shouldn’t be wasted. Everyone is needed; everyone has a role to play. The thing to remember is what besides intuition can a person possibly rely on in order to develop and to grow in order to transform themselves? How else can they grow from something ego-driven into something soul-driven? Dreams are intuitive, daydreams are intuitive, and visions are intuitive. Everything that proposes an image or symbol is intuitive. And this plays a role. It generates the energy within the belief system, or within the intuitive system, or within the psyche – however, you would like to say it. It enables the person to think the thoughts that they weren’t able to think before and they have a choice whether to investigate them, or whether to refute them. But, the question is, “Who chooses?” At this point who chooses? Your soul? Your ego? Or the strange demon who appears to have possession of you?

You don’t need to understand your childhood. You just need to remember that the authority of your internal voice is much stronger than your external voice. To make use of it you have to increase your self-esteem, your self-love. You need to learn to trust your instinct. You have the gift of a brilliant internal guardian that stands ready to warn you of hazards and guide you to the best solutions. Intuition connects us to the natural world and to our nature. Every thought is preceded by a perception, every impulse is preceded by a thought, and every action is preceded by an impulse. Listen.

Rely on your intuition, your true being.